"What I say, is NOT what I mean!" words from every child

I HATE YOU is a difficult phrase to hear from a child.

Take a step back! Notice what your child is saying behind those words. Notice that your child is in pain, they are hurting, they are confused, they are frustrated, they are anxious, they are afraid, and maybe are thinking that no one understands what they are going through. And your child is showing it - just not in the way you want to hear.

No one can dispute that those words hurt … a LOT! It is important to remember, that whatever your child is saying has little to nothing to do with you as a parent. Let me offer an adult-friendly translation of your child’s words:

“I feel unheard and invisible. It hurts a lot.”

“I don’t feel understood.”

“I have very strong feelings and opinions about this situation, and this is the most powerful way I know to show you.”

“It is all too much.”

“It feels as if nothing is in my control, and it is very scary for me.”

“You are the safest person I can share my pain/anger/frustration/fear/worry with.”

“I lost control.”

“I’m having feelings of confusion and frustration, and I can’t understand them.”

“You give me the space to feel safe to let it all out, be messy, and be myself.”

“You help me feel free to feel these big feelings in my way.”