Helping children handle big emotions
We know that emotions can run high in children, especially when they’re still learning to understand and express how they feel. Big feelings (like anger, sadness, frustration, and even excitement) can sometimes be overwhelming for children. Navigating these emotions with patience and understanding is a crucial part of raising emotionally healthy children.
Why big emotions can be difficult for kids
Children experience emotions just as deeply as adults do, but they often lack the vocabulary and skills to express what’s going on inside. They may feel a big wave of anger or frustration but not understand why, or they might feel so excited that they don’t know how to calm down. This can lead to emotional outbursts, tantrums, or even withdrawal in some children. As they grow, they gradually learn emotional self-regulation - but until then, they need a guiding hand to help them understand and cope with their emotions.
Teach about emotions using simple language
One of the most effective ways to help children manage emotions is by teaching them how to identify and name their feelings. You can start by using simple language, like “happy,” “sad,” “mad,” and “scared,” then introduce more complicated words as they grow, such as “frustrated,” “disappointed,” or “nervous.”
Encourage your child to describe how they’re feeling, even if it’s just a few words. You might say, “It looks like you’re feeling frustrated. Can you tell me more?” This not only gives them vocabulary but also helps them connect with their emotions instead of bottling them up.
Tip: Use storybooks and visual aids to explain emotions. There are many great children’s books focused on emotions, which can make learning fun and relatable. You can get ideas of my favourite books here and here.
Model calmness and show healthy ways to express emotions
Kids are incredibly perceptive and often mimic the behaviours they see in adults. By staying calm and collected (especially at tough moments) you show them that it’s possible to handle big feelings without losing control. If you feel frustrated, you can say, “I’m feeling frustrated right now, so I’m going to take a deep breath and count to five.” This models a healthy way to process emotions and shows them that it’s okay to take a moment to regroup.
Another great strategy is to label your emotions around your child. For instance, saying, “I felt really happy today because I got to spend time with you!” or “I felt worried when we were running late, but I reminded myself that it’s okay” helps normalise a range of emotions and healthy reactions.
Use calming techniques together
Calming techniques can be powerful tools for helping children manage intense emotions. Here are a few techniques you can practice together to build self-regulation skills:
Deep breathing: Teach your child simple breathing exercises, like inhaling deeply through the nose and slowly exhaling. You can even make it a game by pretending to blow up a balloon or using a pinwheel to see how their breath moves it.
Counting: Counting can be a good distraction and help ground children when they’re feeling overwhelmed. Try counting down from 10 or counting objects in the room to help them focus.
Mindfulness exercises: Basic mindfulness exercises, like focusing on how their body feels or noticing the sounds around them, can help children stay present and reduce anxiety.
Tip: Practice these techniques during calm times so that they’re familiar and comfortable for your child to use when they’re actually feeling intense emotions.
Encourage open communication and validation
When your child is upset, the best thing you can do is listen without judgment. Let them know their feelings are valid, even if the cause of their upset seems minor to you. Validation can sound like, “I understand why you feel angry. It’s okay to feel that way.” This shows that you respect their emotions and gives them the space to express themselves.
Encouraging your child to talk about their feelings helps them process those emotions more effectively and builds a strong foundation of trust between you. Knowing they can come to you with any emotion will help them feel secure and more willing to communicate as they grow.
Help kids reflect on emotions and problem-solve
Once your child is calm, talk with them about what happened and why. This reflection process helps them understand the triggers behind their emotions and how to handle similar situations in the future. Ask open-ended questions, like “What made you feel so angry?” or “What can we do differently next time?”
Problem-solving as a team empowers your child and helps them feel capable of managing their emotions. If they were angry because they couldn’t play with a toy, brainstorm solutions together - maybe they can set a timer to wait for their turn, or you can work out a sharing plan. The goal is to help them recognise that while big feelings are normal, there are constructive ways to handle them.
Why teaching emotional regulation matters
Helping kids handle big emotions is one of the most valuable skills you can teach as a parent. Children who learn to understand and manage their emotions are often more resilient, adaptable, and confident. They’re better equipped to handle stress and navigate relationships and are more likely to grow up with a healthy, balanced view of their emotions.
Remember: It’s okay if things aren’t perfect. We all experience big feelings - even adults! By offering support and practicing these strategies, you’re helping your child build a lifelong toolkit for emotional health.