Why is my child suddenly scared of the dark or thieves? A psychologist’s perspective
You may have noticed your child suddenly developing fears they didn’t have before - like fear of the dark, thieves breaking in, or reluctance to do things independently. While this might seem alarming for parents at first, it’s a completely normal stage of development that reflects important changes in their cognitive and emotional growth.
Why do these fears happen?
Children experience key developmental milestones that shape how they understand the world around them. These can trigger fears and anxieties that are often new to both the child and their parents.
Cognitive development: Awareness of risks
Children’s thinking becomes more advanced as they develop. They begin to understand hypothetical scenarios and imagine risks, even if they’re unlikely; they might worry about thieves breaking into their house, even if this has never happened before, or they may feel scared of the dark because they can’t see what’s around them, and their imagination fills in the blanks.
Emotional development: Vulnerable feelings
Children are also developing a deeper awareness of emotions, both their own and others’. This increased emotional sensitivity can make them feel more vulnerable in certain situations, such as being alone or navigating unfamiliar places.
The power of imagination
While a vivid imagination is a wonderful part of childhood, it can also lead to exaggerated fears. For example, a shadow in their room might be misinterpreted as a “monster,” or they might imagine burglars outside their window.
Social influences
Children absorb information from their environment (TV shows, books, peers, and even overheard adult conversations). A mention of a robbery or a spooky story from a friend can spark new fears.
The push and pull of independence
At this age, children begin to crave independence but may simultaneously feel overwhelmed by it. Realising the world is bigger and more unpredictable can lead to anxiety and a temporary desire to stay close to their parents.
How can parents support their child?
The good news is that these fears are temporary and manageable. With the right support, your child can learn to navigate them and grow more confident.
Acknowledge and validate their feelings
Rather than dismissing your child’s fears, let them know it’s okay to feel scared. Saying something like, “It’s normal to feel nervous about the dark. A lot of kids feel the same way,” helps them feel understood.
Reassure them of their safety
Provide specific examples of how they are safe. You can explain how locks on doors and windows keep thieves out, use a nightlight or leave a hallway light on to make the dark less intimidating or show them that you’re nearby and keeping them safe. You can also play with light and dark, creating different shapes in the reflection of the light, encouraging the understanding of different perspectives.
Encourage gradual independence
If your child is reluctant to do things on their own, you can break tasks into smaller, manageable steps. If they’re afraid to sleep in their own room, start by sitting with them until they fall asleep. Over time, reduce your presence gradually, like sitting at the door instead.
Monitor media exposure
Be mindful of the stories, movies, or conversations your child is exposed to. Avoid content that might trigger their fears, such as scary movies or discussions about real-life dangers.
Teach coping strategies
Help your child develop skills to manage their fears. Deep breathing exercises, repeating a calming quote such as “I am safe, and everything is okay”, or imagining a happy, safe place can work wonders.
Build confidence through routine
Consistent routines provide children with a sense of security. Make bedtime predictable and comforting, or create a morning routine that encourages small acts of independence, like picking out their clothes or packing their school bag.
When to seek professional help
Most childhood fears fade with time and reassurance. However, if your child’s fears are interfering with their daily life (causing extreme distress, sleeplessness, or withdrawal) it may be helpful to consult a psychologist. A professional can help identify underlying issues and provide tailored strategies to support your child.