Reframing: a hack from a psychologist to improve your mental health
Reframe your mind: a practice that we, psychologists, often use in our work. Cognitive reframing is a technique used to shift your mindset so you're able to look at a situation, person, or relationship from a slightly different perspective. It includes identifying automatic thoughts and replacing them with more balanced ones.
Think of it this way: whatever the picture is, you can choose what kind of frame to pair it with. Whatever your situation is, you can choose how to think about it! Below are some techniques that can hopefully give you some peace during the storm.
Hot-to-cool thinking
This is especially useful when reframing a thought seems difficult. Instead of going from “I’m the worst” to “I’m the best”, you train your mind to go from “I’m the worst” to “I’m working on it”. Showing love to ourselves immediately after a negative thought can be challenging, and takes time! Being hard on ourselves is part of the human experience, and going to a dark place after having an unpleasant emotion is natural. Here are some more examples:
“I’m bad at my job” -> “I’m having new challenges at this moment”
“I’ll never find someone” -> “Being single doesn’t feel great now, I would like to work on finding someone”
“I’m ugly” -> “Everyone has a different taste. The people I find attractive are not the same as someone else may find attractive. Appearance is subjective”
“Life shouldn’t be this hard” -> “There must be something important for me to learn here”
“Why is this happening?” -> “What is this teaching me?”
“I’m too nervous, I hate it! How can I get out of doing this?” -> “I’m nervous at this moment. That must mean I’m about to do something brave”
Recognise when an intrusive thought is taking over
Part of the human experience is having negative thoughts, or thoughts that seem to exaggerate (or catastrophise), or repeat themselves over and over. Simply recognise that this is happening. How does it feel? Are your palms sweaty? Did your body tense up? Is your posture hunched? Do you feel a temperature change?
Our bodies naturally respond to stress. When you notice your jaw is feeling tense, try to move it around and help it relax - this is an instant stress release.
It is also important to recognise the thought that is causing you all this stress. And show yourself compassion; stop and place your hand on your heart. Remind yourself that it is ok to feel unpleasant emotions sometimes.
Perfection isn’t the goal
Too often I hear self-judgemental phrases like “I fall asleep in front of the TV again” or “I scroll through social media when I could be meditating/studying/doing something productive” paired with “I know it’s bad for me!” Using such “failed” goals to explain what is wrong with you is much less helpful than questioning what is actually wrong with these goals!
Such judgments originate from the idea that you have to be perfect. Reality check: not achieving a goal, making a mistake are not signs of failure. It’s how you can learn yourself better.
The difference between what you think is reality, and actual reality
All-or-nothing thinking, refers to patterns of thoughts that exist in extremes. You are either great or you are worthless. You are either perfectly healthy and motivated, or stopped caring about your health and are a big fat disgusting slob. You are either doing great at work/school, or you think you are messing up. The examples are endless.
The problem with this way of thinking is that you believe whatever your mind tells you is reality. And that is usually in black and white. But as we all know, the rainbow is beautiful in its wide realm of colours! When you realise you are thinking in black and white, add other colours and options! You can be doing really well at school/work and still be making mistakes. You can be healthy and still indulge in a chocolate cake. You can be happy with your life, and still feel stressed about some parts of it.