21 parenting tips from a seasoned psychologist
Parenting is one of the most rewarding yet challenging journeys in life. As a professional in the field, I've had the privilege of witnessing countless families navigate the joys and trials of raising children. Along the way, I've gathered a treasure chest of tips and insights that have proven invaluable to parents from all walks of life. I'm excited to share 21 parenting tips that I've learned throughout my career. Whether you're a seasoned parent or embarking on this adventure for the first time, I hope you'll find inspiration and guidance in these tried-and-true strategies. Let's dive in!
Prioritise quality time with your children over quantity. 15 minutes of quality time playing their choice of game where they get your undivided attention means so much more than 3 hours all sitting in the living room using your different devices.
Practice active listening to understand your child's perspective. Anything your child wants to share with you, even if it’s just for a minute, can be THE most important thing you have heard all day! Whether it’s how they managed to write their name without any help, or how their heart was broken when they fought with their friend, or how there was a bee that flew in their class, or how that funny cloud is shaped like a goat! Imagine the confidence and trust it builds in your child and your relationship knowing that you are there for them for anything and everything!
Encourage open communication and honesty. “You can be honest with me and we can figure it out together”. I know, easier said than done. But trust me, once you have build that consistency in trust and open communication, the floodgates of sharing will be forever open!
Set clear and consistent boundaries. That was my last week’s newsletter - hope that was helpful for you! For obvious reasons I included it in the list!
Lead by example and model the behaviours you want to see in your children. I can’t count the times I’ve had to have the awkward conversation of “if you don’t like your child shouting, perhaps you can adjust your own communication style and shout less”. Parenting acts a consistent mirror reflecting our own selves, so whenever you are seeing a behaviour you dislike in your child, spend some time reflecting why and how you can model better for them!
Foster a positive and supportive environment at home. Home can be a child’s haven - they will spend decades there, so might as well be a beautiful environment right?
Teach empathy and compassion towards others. An individual who can empathise and be compassionate with their social circle and family has been shown to have a better support system and more satisfying relationships. Let’s not forget better conflict resolution skills!
Embrace mistakes as learning opportunities for you and your child. No one is perfect, especially parents! I have found that nothing is more humbling than parenting - (many) daily mistakes are done from the parents’ part, so why not embrace it with kindness and from a learning perspective?
Nurture your child's interests and passions. They might not align with yours, but a passionate child who is encouraged to pursue their interests is a happy child, a confident child and a loving child!
Encourage independence and autonomy - it nurtures better well-being, healthier confidence and a sense of accomplishment.
Celebrate your child's achievements, no matter how small. A child who knows its parents recognise their efforts and celebrate them, regardless of size feels confident, with a great sense of belonging! Imagine the mindset this nurtures: “I can try my hardest, and my parents will be proud of me”.
Provide opportunities for your child to take on responsibilities. This encourages a sense of dependency for your child, learning to take accountability for their actions and promotes making good choices. Mind you, that might not seem as important at the age of 2 or 5, but think how this can be nurtured for when your child reaches adolescence!
Practice patience and understanding, especially during challenging moments. This might mean you literally leave the room for a minute to compose yourself until you can practice the parenting techniques that truly reflect you. Remember, children’s brains are not fully developed until the age of 25! That means they can test boundaries, learn regulation techniques and social skills - and will need to practice this until even adulthood! Doesn’t sound fair to judge a 10 year old for throwing a tantrum when we know they still haven’t mastered emotional regulation right?
Create family traditions and rituals to strengthen bonds. I still remember the traditions we set in place with my family when I was growing up, and think of them fondly filled with love and even laughter sometimes.
Foster a love for learning and curiosity - this applies to anything and everything, not just academic learning. “I am curious, how can you solve this problem you are having with your friend?” or “I want to learn more about your love of football! Tell me more!”.
Teach resilience and perseverance in the face of setbacks. Think of the determination this builds! “Even if it’s difficult, even if I need to try many times, I will not let this set me back”. This is a child who has a strong dedication learning, is driven to their goals, and a good ability to problem-solve!
Validate your child's emotions and help them develop healthy coping mechanisms. Recognising a child’s feelings without judgement (regardless if you agree) build confidence, emotional stability and a sense of belonging.
Show appreciation and gratitude for your child's unique qualities. Your child can be brave for trying to learn how to ride their bike with two wheels. They can be responsible for putting their plate in the sink or preparing their schoolbag independently. They can be caring in how they pet their dog/cat. They can be kind when playing quietly so they don’t wake their siblings/parents. It can be little things that grow the sense of purpose and appreciation for a child.
Support your child's friendships and social interactions - by showing a genuine interest in your child’s choice of friends, you are showing them that you trust them and are proud of their choice (if you aren’t then you can use the below tips). A child’s friendships are how they learn and practice social skills and interactions, as well as problem solving and conflict resolution. It’s not just another child who they can play with. So embrace their social circles!
Teach problem-solving skills and encourage critical thinking. A phrase I use very often in all my sessions is “what do you think of this choice?” and “let’s reflect and solve this problem”. Young children grow up to be teenagers and adults. Being able to reflect, problem solve and think critically of the world around them is a vital skill!
Emphasise the importance of kindness and respect towards others. Anyone that knows me, especially all my kiddos, know that kindness is my favourite word! Kindness towards ourselves, others, and the space around us is such an important skill to build! You should see the reaction I show when I hear a child say “I’m so stupid for doing this”. THAT IS NOT A KIND WORD TO DESCRIBE YOURSELF! How can you grow from this problem and solve it if you have such an unkind view of yourself?
If you are patient enough and are still reading on, well done!! It clearly shows that improving your parenting techniques is an important element for you! Congratulations!! Keep up the amazing work! I’m proud of you!