Letting things go

I’ve found myself working a lot with helping young children let things go lately. So, I thought why not put some info together in a blog for any parent finding themselves in a situation where their little angels are struggling with forgiveness and peace. 

Children can understand the concept of calming down strategies, and effectively problem-solving well. The step after, however, is where some of them struggle: forgiveness and letting go of a grudge. This then brings us to the realisation that if a child cannot forgive and let go of a problem, then they can’t effectively calm down and problem-solve. 

Keep reading for ideas you can apply at home to help young children let things go and move on!

Explain what a grudge is

A grudge is an abstract concept that younger children may not be able to comprehend. So it is our responsibility to explain it in child-friendly language: “A grudge is when someone is upset with another person for something that happened in the past, and they are holding mean thoughts and wished towards that person”. And then provide a concrete example the child can relate to:

“Imagine if you were playing with your friend XY, and they accidentally broke one of your toys. Even though XY apologised and tried to make you feel better, you can still feel upset and even hold a grudge. Instead of letting go of the accident, you hold tightly on the angry feelings for a long time, and you might even break one of their toys”.

Explain why it’s important to let go of grudges

“It’s important to remember that holding tightly to a grudge can make us feel unhappy and stressed. It can even damage some friendships. Grudges do not make us feel nice, and make it difficult for us to have a good time. This is why it is better to try and let go of grudges and forgive people when they make mistakes”.

Book suggestions of letting go of grudges

• The Sour Grape, by Jory John

• The Bad Seed, by Jory John

• Grumpy Monkey, by Suzanne Lang

• Kindness Is My Superpower, by Alicia Ortega

• Liam Conquers Fort Grudge, by Megan Johnson and Sophia Day

Practical strategies to try at home

Shred It

Ask your child to write or draw about the grudge on a piece of paper. When they are finished, ask them to shred it! To as many little pieces as they want! And then throw it away, or (if you have one) throw it in a shredder.

Create Something Beautiful

Ask your child to write or draw about the grudge on a piece of paper. When they are finished, hand them some colourful markers or even paint, and encourage them to create something beautiful over the grudge! This teaches them how to let go of an old grudge and focus their attention on the new and beautiful. It empowers them in their own ability to focus on different things.

Give It Away

Ask your child to write or draw about the grudge on a piece of paper. When they are finished, give it away to the trash can, or recycling bin, or even create together a grudge creature who is hungry for grudges!

Fly Away Grudge

Ask your child to write or draw about the grudge on a piece of paper. When they are finished, fold the paper in a paper airplane and toss it to fly. Fly towards the trash can, or fly towards any direction and have some fun with it! Again, this teaches them how to practically let go of a grudge and shift their focus on something fun and look at it from a different perspective.